Back To 505
by toridw317
Summary: She let him in, nothing she ever regrets, because despite how artificial the relationship was back than there was always that potential, the possibility, she could have fallen in love with him. [Season 7]
1. one

_**Stop and wait a sec**_

_**Oh, when you look at me like that, my darling**_

_**What did you expect?**_

_**I probably still adore you with your hands around my neck**_

_**Or I did last time I checked**_

_** -505 by Arctic Monkeys**_

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><p>She does not know why she came. She knows this is a bad idea. The wait sitting here in the muted hues of blue and gray are just adding fuel to the insecurity of seeing someone she hasn't seen in roughly four years and the last time she sent any communication to him was through a sympathy card with some flowers when she heard of the passing of Opie Winston. So now sitting here on the cold metal bench is not helping that fact she wants to just forget wanting to see him and why she thought this was a good idea in the first place. She should have nixed the idea when she read when visiting you could not wear a bra with an underwire as it would have set off the metal detectors. She does not know how wives, partners, mothers, etc. can do this with all the restrictions when visiting a loved one. However she feels everyone is right being in a prison does give you a lot of "me" time to think, she is not even locked up, and she seems to be having an existential crisis sitting on the hard bench.<p>

It also is not helping the looks she is receiving from the guards or she should say the leers and she thinks they are deliberately taking their grand ole time taking in her information to be approved to be a visitor. Yes she expected to take a while as this is the first time ever visiting someone in lock up, but come on it is going on to about forty five minutes now they are just messing with her as she is the only on in the goddamn room. With the wait though she should be trying to think of what she is going to say to him as _hey how are you doing_ is not exactly going to be a good conversation starter as she knows how exactly he is doing he is probably hurt, angry, and broken.

"Ms. Joslyn Anderson." She is startled out of her thoughts by the guard who seems to be enjoying her presence the most. This guard reminds her of Jim Carry's version of Lemony Snicket and she makes sure she keeps her distance while he escorts her to one of the more secluded visiting areas where there are only about seven tables in the room. The guard opening the door she already she hears the other guard in the room ordering him to stand. Joslyn taking a deep breathe hopes this does not turn to be a bad idea. One very bad idea.

* * *

><p>Thinking, analyzing, and calculating that is Jax has been doing since the cops slapped his wrists in hand cuffs since that night in his kitchen. He is trying to keep his emotions in check when thinking of how this retaliation is going to go and how to do it smoothly, but the rage is there bubbling on the surface waiting to be let out to avenge. It is too the point he can feel his fists shaking waiting to find a source of impact. Luckily Jax has a cell to himself he doesn't know if he could function having an inmate all in his business or in his luck know who he is and be used as some type of leverage for some punk wanting to prove himself.<p>

So like now Jax is analyzing practically every move he made in his life on how did he let it get this bad and too this point. The point he let his family take the fall and suffer for his mistakes, his arrogance he could change the future for the club like his father. Right there that arrogance is what killed his wife. He may not have given that fatal brutal blow to his wife, but he gave that ammunition. Tara was right the longer they stayed in Charming the more they turned into the people they hated most, and he, was, is turning into a monster. All she wanted was to save their boys.

"Teller, visitor!" A guard shouts before opening the gate to his cell.

Jax furrowing his brow slowly getting up from his top bunk tries to think of who could be visiting. His mom was just here yesterday, and he told the guys to not visit. He is sure if something did happen the DA would have made a personal appearance in his own damn cell to give him the information. The guard escorting him he notices is giving him a smile as if he has a secret making the hairs on Jax neck peek to attention, "You got something to say?" He asks the beer belly guard around Jax's own height. Jax's knows crooked cops when he sees one and this guy is a filthy pig.

Beer belly giving Jax a smile that is really setting alarms off in Jax's head, "Oh, I just got a peek at your visitor, too bad you aint having a conjugal."

Jax shaking his head in disgust is luckily lead to an open visiting area and beer belly is not the guard going to be overseeing this visit who he has no idea who it is. He is pretty sure it is not Wendy and he really hopes it is not her. He can cross Lyla off the list because she would have no reason to visit. He is also pretty sure Collette wouldn't visit after all that has went down. So who would be visiting? Jax taking a seat at the table furthest away from the door feels like he is waiting forever until the guard tells him to rise.

* * *

><p>Joslyn making her way in making sure she doesn't get close to Lemony who is still leering at her she makes it into the room and when making eye contact with Jax she watches as confusion, recognition, surprise, and then hesitancy crosses his face and she is really thinking it is a bad idea. Not walking any further into the room, "I-I can go. I understand if you don't want to see me."<p>

Of all the people Jax thought he would never see again he did not expect to ever see Joslyn Anderson to see him and of all in prison for parole violation and being a suspect in his wife's murder. Like how they first met, the chocolate brown hair and grey eyed woman has a knack for appearing in his life at his most troubled times in his life pertaining his significant others. He remembers when they first met he was pissed off yet again finding out Wendy had another relapse than to top it off a car not paying attention to where she was backing out at in her parking spot ended on backing into his bike with him on it. Luckily, he was able to jump off the bike fast enough before being toppled by the weight. He was this close of seriously cussing whomever it was out, but out hops a young petite girl wide eye in some daisy dukes and wife beater profusely apologizing on the verge of tears saying she will pay for any damage. Being a lothario, which he was, back in the day he was so distracted by what she had on display he immediately forgot about his problems with Wendy and was working on making this girl a new distraction. Eventually she came to be one and a little more.

Realizing he has not said anything moving from behind the table, "No, its fine. I'm just surprised to see you."

Joslyn giving him a small smile makes her way to meet Jax at the table and is surprised when he engulfs her into a hug. Pulling back, she looks into Jax's blue eyes that are so cold they send a shiver down her spine. She realizes this is not the same Jax she met, the long blonde locks she used to tell him made him look like a surfer boy are gone along with his beard that now is slowly growing. Muscles replace his sinewy physique. However, all she can see is a broken mask of a man. She recalls this same look on him when he unexpectedly showed up on her doorstep his eyes with darken with bags under them. His former long locks meeting his shoulders in disarray from his helmet, and rocking a goatee. He did not want to go in the house all he said was he wanted to make sure _she_ was okay. He revealed his son was kidnapped and he kept reiterating and echoing he needed to see if _she_ was okay. He had the same look in his eyes, the same cold look. Clearing her throat slowly backing away, "I'm sorry about Tara."

Jax slowly nodding his head motioning for her to sit while he does the same clears his own throat. "Thanks," running his hands through his hair, "I don't know what to say. I really never expected to see you again."

"Yeah, I wasn't sure if this was a good idea and all." For some reason Joslyn is not able to make eye contact with Jax and is looking anywhere but his eyes.

"Why we never had any problems." Jax asks truly perplexed. Jax always thinks of Joslyn as a rare gem. Not that she is not a pushover or anything, but she never wanted to cause or start trouble when by the end of the courtship she had all rights to do.

But she never did.

She seemed to get him without really knowing all of him. Really the plain way to put it, she was, is, the only female to never cause Jax any problems in his highly complicated life.

"I know, but the circumstances. I just didn't want to- It's just been so long."

"I understand. It's been what three-four years? You still living in Eureka?"

"Yeah, I'm still there."

"Well that is a far drive. You make it down here alright?" Jax says thinking about his long ago run that involved a detour saving Tig from some bounty hunters when they were doing a "blood drive" for the kids down there.

"Yeah, the only problem is here with the pickets." Joslyn says slightly nodding her head to the guard by the door.

Jax briefly eyeing the guard by the door than returning his gaze back to Joslyn who is looking at her hands thanking god this is not a conjugal visit. "Yeah they are all pigs here. They didn't touch you or anything?"

Joslyn finally looking up at Jax seeing some warmth seep into his eyes and smiling at his general concern for her, "No, they are just looking. I am used to it. God does that make me sound conceited?"

Jax cracking a little smile for the first time in the week that everything has happened, "Nah. So how have you been?"

"I have been good. Nothing really happens in Eureka. It is a quiet little city." Joslyn says being deliberately vague with her answer.

"I didn't ask about Eureka darlin'. I asked about you."

"There really isn't anything to really say Jax; I am really a boring person."

Jax scooting closer to the table a smile still tugging at his lips if memory serves him correct Joslyn is anything but a boring person, "I have a hard time believing that one. You were always a busy body I always had a hard time trying to track you down when you were not rear ending me."

When Jax and Joslyn met she was on her last semester in college for her bachelors in healthcare management, so when they did become friends the only time they really had time to see each other was during a late midnight visit or if he would make a surprise visit to her campus that only happened a few times. He remembers when she told him she was getting a degree in that profession, the medical field; his immediate thought was of course Tara. He would take interest in a girl who could pique his attention with her looks but keep his attention with her brain. He remembers always trying to find something to compare Joslyn to Tara with, but he never could besides being in college. Joslyn did not come from a single parent household with the remaining parent being a drunk. Joslyn came from a two-parent household her parents never married as Joslyn told him "they don't believe in marriage" and she described her parents as being some warped version of hippies as their farm was a junkyard. She also is not an only child, she is the youngest, and has four older siblings, her sister being the oldest with three older brothers. The crazy thing at the time he never asked for their names like she never asked the name for his brother.

For the first time for Jax though, he was able to see someone could feel the void Tara left in him. He is not saying he was in love with Joslyn towards the end of their relationship they both could say it was a superficial courtship. They did not really know anything about each other except the surface facts. He thinks yet they both can admit though the potential was there.

"That was only the one time you never let me live that down. You know you were a cheeky bastard that day." Joslyn says recalling when she was about to cry her eyes out over getting in her first but minor accident to just realizing Jax was hitting on her when trying to exchange information so she could pay for the damage.

Jax smiling at Joslyn's description of him that day interlacing his fingers together putting his hands on the table, "Hey, you still agreed to have a drink with me that day."

Thinking back to that "drink", Jax took her to one of the bars in small town Charming named, _Aces_, that was conveniently located a little over two blocks from her apartment. She will give it to Jax who was smooth, made her feel like the only girl in the world, but he was also trying to have her throw back the liquor her small frame wouldn't be able to burn off. She knows they did not have any concrete conversations not that she minded. She knew all Jax wanted was her to be a notch on his bedpost. Therefore, she went along with the flirty ways leading him on only for her to pull back a little. Be a tease, as he would call her later. She remembers him taking her back to her apartment them at a standstill at her door and she remembers going in for the kill wrapping her arms around his neck her chest pressed against his in his leather cut she never inquired about. She knew he thought that she was going to open her door and lead him to her bed, but instead she gave him a quick kiss on his cheek with an even quicker goodbye watching as his eyes widen with shocked and then give her an impressed smile before yelling through her door that he will see her again. He did though for the next three months.

Thinking back to those three months of her and Jax it was not a serious relationship at all. After about a week of "teasing" Jax she let him in nothing she ever regrets because despite how artificial the relationship was back than there was always that potential, the possibility, she could have fallen in love with him. Despite what she would later find out that he was married, although he filed for divorce, if they probably would have dig deeper and ignored the mentality that what they had was a fling. Maybe where they both are at right now in their lives would be different. She would give a fleeting thought to the notion of being in love with Jax when he would sometimes stay at her apartment both of them lying in bed enjoying post-coitus bliss. It was his candid moments though that she really played with the word love. She would creep out of her bedroom and find him sitting at her table in her small dainty kitchen his pack of cigarettes on the table one waiting to be lit in his mouth while he would be toying with his zippo lighter. His action of lightening the cigarette and watching the flames dance for a moment before extinguishing it is where she would feel honor seeing the raw emotion pass through him, but then she would be reminded she does not really know this man at all. The cut that hung on the back of her chair proudly displaying he is the Vice President of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle club and a Men of Mayhem told her that and she was hardly ever privy to the thoughts in his head that were clearly troubling him.

She knows back in that time he was obviously dealing with more shit than her because all she had to deal with was worrying about how she is going to finish her 15 page papers due and what tests she needs to cram for. She knew she was nothing more than a reprieve for him. A distraction he found her in her apartment 505.

Like she said though there was that potential if they would have dug deeper into the surface, but they never did especially at the end but because of her fear of causing trouble for his wife and his life in general she let him go not thinking of the consequence she would need to face.

After some quiet from both ends obviously thinking about their history, "So you have two sons now?" Joslyn asks knowing the Jax she knew was not ready to be a father, but now he is.

Jax smiles sadly at the mention of his two boys sitting up straighter on the bench. "Yeah, Abel and Thomas."

"How do you like it being a dad?"

"It's hard." Jax deadpans but a smile sidles onto his face.

Joslyn chuckling at Jax's answer, "Yeah being a parent isn't easy. You always have to be aware of what you are doing because even if you do not mean for it to happen they are affected by our actions."

Joslyn has no idea how hard those words hit home with Jax. How they relate to him and Tara. How his actions especially ones for the club always seem to cause more destruction at home than the streets. Only one person in his family is not affected by his actions, but that is because he let go of his first family, his first-born, a luxury he tried to give Tara when she had that job offer in Oregon. "I know I have no right to ask, you don't have to answer, I will completely understand, how is she though Karina? She will be turning six in December right?"

"December 12." Joslyn says giving him a smile at the mention of her little girl.

"You're not mad I don't know that?" Jax once again is stumped how Joslyn can never get angry, like there is not an angry bone in her petite frame. Maybe being raised by hippies did that to her.

Joslyn shaking her head her wavy hair bouncing a little with life her smile turning into a thin line on her face before answering him. "You know I am not bitter like that Jax. We both knew the consequences from our decision."

"I know, but she still is my daughter. I'm still her father."

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><p><strong>So this is meant to be like a one-shot sort of thing, but it will be three chapters.<strong>

**It does correspond with the timeline of season 7 and all the events leading up to it.**

**Also the inspiration for this story came from the song 505 by Arctic Monkeys. **

**So yeah please let me know what you guys think of this!**

**-Tori.**


	2. two

_**Not shy of a spark**_

_**A knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark**_

_**Frightened by the bite though it's no harsher than the bark**_

_**Middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start**_

_**-505 by Arctic Monkeys**_

* * *

><p>Joslyn tucking her daughter in smoothing her daughter's blonde hair back from covering her eyes since meeting with Jax going on almost two weeks ago she never realized how much of Jax was in their daughter. She knew the blonde hair came from him, as it is the most obvious characteristic. It is the little quirks that are making them known. The shape of her face, Karina's smile, and the little mannerisms when she is concentrated on something their eyebrows scrunching in thought than returning to their neutral position when they get a conclusion. Now thinking about it she thinks when Karina gets in a funk it probably comes from her dad because the terrible twos were not fun.<p>

During her visit with Jax, she felt that feeling in the pit of his stomach where she cannot breathe like when someone pinches you to hard you are frozen from the nip of pain. She wonders if she and Jax were right in terminating all contact leaving her to be a single mother. She even declined receiving any aid from him. Now seeing him despite the circumstance, she now wonders if she made a mistake. Despite what anyone says, a child needs to know both of their parents other than their name. Of course, this does not apply to all and every situation because she barely even knows who Jax really is, but in her opinion, her daughter deserves to have a father figure in her life.

Giving her daughter a kiss on the forehead, she makes her way back into her living room to continue packing for their move back to her hometown of Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

* * *

><p>Bobby. All he can think about is Bobby's last moments. The gun going off after Bobby tried to warn him, the shot ringing in his ears, and catching his fallen friend before he hit the ground. He knows he underestimated Marks and all his warnings. Now all he can think is he is maybe a walking breathing reaper. With everything he does, everyone that is exposed to him all of them get hurt in some way, shape, or form.<p>

The lethal result being death.

Just like what came to Bobby. He knows he needs to be smart about this. He needs some clarity the cabin was not going to give him. He needs to see someone who is removed from the situation someone that does not know Jax Teller, the President of an outlaw motorcycle club.

* * *

><p>Jax pulls into the driveway of a two story home. The house exterior is tan paneling; there is an open porch in the front with a patio swing with a miniature table and chairs for a toddler. The porch is outlined with a bed of flowers instantly reminding him of his mom's love of gardening. Removing his helmet along with his riding glasses and gloves, he can make out a faint glow of light that is being emitted from a window towards the side of the house. A small smile forming on his face he is comforted by the fact Joslyn has been able to provide for herself and their daughter without any help from anyone. She has been raising their daughter by herself and he walked away from them did not even put up a fight.<p>

Walking up to the steps of her porch, Joslyn must have heard his bike, he doesn't even get his hand up to knock on the door before it is opened revealing Joslyn looking shocked to see him on her doorstep.

Joslyn pushing some discarded hair behind her ear suddenly self-conscious in nothing but her short shorts and plain black beater, "Jax, uh hi, is everything okay?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, of course," Joslyn says opening the door wider letting Jax back into her home.

Jax walking through the threshold he cannot help but think about to a similar situation years ago. Jax had a lot of noise in his head from dealing with club business. He cannot even remember what happened or what had him out of sorts. He just remembers he did not want to deal want to be in the clubhouse any longer with croweaters pushing up on him or the club including his mom's ever watchful eyes on him. So he decided to seek refuge in the one place that had no connection or association with the club being Joslyn's apartment.

Taking what Joslyn is wearing thinking back to the similarity to this situation years ago with him unexpectedly showing up at her doorstep. She was in similar attire shorts and a beater hair up in a messy bun the same shocked expression on her face in seeing him at her house so late no doubt interrupting her sleep. She still let him in. Didn't ask any questions. Just let him in and locked the door behind him grabbed his hand and lead him back to her bedroom. This was probably the night they conceived Karina. It was not the usual hot and heavy that they were used to doing. It was slow and steady and this time he actually paid attention to every detail on Joslyn. Her sharp intake of breathes when he hit a spot that made her squeeze her legs around him tighter. How her hair was flared out on the pillow creating a halo. How she would moan his name while her nails raked down his back. After the climax that had both of them panting for oxygen his head buried in the side of neck planting a few light feathery kisses causing her to tighten more around him from her being overly sensitive. When he trailed back to her mouth the smile both of them gave each other into the kiss her eyes closed until she finally did open them her eyes cloudy from lust until they cleared over her grey eyes almost sparkling giving him another lazy smile her hands running through his hair playing with his tips. Jax would never admit it aloud but he found it relaxing even comforting when Joslyn would run her fingers through his hair something that no other women did in his life. Joslyn was never afraid to touch him. Something that he loved about her something that stirred something in him he only felt one time, but it did not make him sad or long for the former woman that used to be his whole world. It made him feel that he could find love or comfort in someone else that there would always be someone else to show him you can move on.

Jax taking in all the boxes that are stacked in Joslyn's house taking occupancy in her hallway, "You moving?"

"Yeah, I am actually moving back to my hometown of Sioux Falls, South Dakota."

"You didn't mention that back in lockup?" Everyone is leaving Jax thinks.

Everyone.

It is as if everyone can easily just uproot themselves from their whole world wherever they are based at. It just kills him that one thing that all families do move out of a neighborhood to find a better place to raise their kids is something Tara so desperately wanted but he kept holding her back. Than when he finally opened his eyes cleared the fog from his glasses, it was too late.

Too goddamn late.

Joslyn shrugging her shoulders, "There are a lot of things I didn't mention while visiting you in lockup."

Jax nodding his head inspecting what he assumes to be the living room as there is a couch and an entertainment stand, "So I didn't realize how nice of a place you got."

Joslyn following Jax into her living room grabbing a discarded hoodie to cover herself up, "Yeah you never left the doorstep the last time you came by."

Jax walking over to the fireplace looking at the pictures lining the fireplace of a little blonde hair girl smiling brightly smiling at the various pictures documenting the girl's school years, "Blonde hair huh?"

"Yeah and I think she got your attitude too."

"My attitude?" Jax says smiling at the thought somewhat proud that his kids' at least got something other than his looks because between his boys despite being a spitting image of their father their personality and mannerisms are all Tara.

"Yeah the terrible twos were not fun you are lucky you missed out on that."

"You mind if I see her? I won't wake her up or anything."

"Okay, we just need to be quiet she is a light sleeper." Joslyn says while leading him up the stairs. Jax smirks at the mention of his daughter being a light sleeper. Maybe Joslyn is right she did inherit some of Jax's personality even though his reason for being a light sleeper stems from different reasons. Walking up the wooden steps that are lightly creaking from his weight he looks at more pictures that are lining the walls. More of Karina one with her in soccer gear her right foot on the ball smiling at the camera and some with an older gentlemen one catching his eye is the one with her and the man holding a fish. Jax cannot help but feel a rush of jealously that another man is experiencing things with his daughter that he walked away from.

Bringing his attention back to Joslyn who is leading him down the hall he notices like he did when she visit him in locked up she is still beautiful and looks like she hasn't aged at all of course since with childbirth she has a little bit more curves. She is still short her head barely reaching the base of his neck. However, what he was trying to find any evidence of a male figure prominent in her life. She had no ring and there was not a male's influence seen anywhere in the house although she is packing. They stop at a door at the end of the hall decorated with a big K and Joslyn putting her hand on the doorknob before stopping and turning to face him.

"Please just try not to wake her. I don't want to have to explain to Karina who you really are just for you to drop out of her life again." Joslyn putting a hand over her face, "God that sounded so harsh."

Jax putting a hand on her shoulder, "I understand. I won't wake her."

"Okay. I will be downstairs packing take all the time you want." Joslyn giving him a reassuring smile opens the door letting him in.

Jax is honest he expected to see princesses to be the theme but instead it is a simple room light blue walls and instead of princesses adorning the wall it is of female superheroes. The only thing that he notices that is even remotely princess is an acoustic guitar that has a princess with long blonde hair and a purple dress. Picking up the guitar, it immediately reminds him of Bobby. Bobby Elvis the entertainer always was belting out a tune either of Elvis or of what he was feeling from his heart. Setting the guitar down, he continues his observation of the room noticing awards for soccer and is immediately impressed since she is young to already be getting awards. He always notices the easel set in a corner of the room along with a desk walking closer to it he notices a journal resting on it standing out from the rest of the chaos on her desk. Karina seems to inherit more of him than he and maybe Joslyn thought.

Walking to the bed containing his oldest child he smiles as she is curled in a little ball with her blonde hair peeking out from beneath her blanket. Instinctively he wants to reach out to pat her head the same way he does to Abel every time he sees him.

Looking at his daughter though, he cannot decide if she looks like Joslyn or him. It is like a perfect combination of their features. Yeah he knows he can't really tell since she is sleeping but he remembers watching Joslyn sleep those years ago and mouth sometimes setting in a pout like Karina's is now, but then Karina has his nose and the blonde hair almost makes him thinking he is looking at him from his baby pictures and maybe even Abel.

Just thinking about Abel his troubles at school and how he is acting he thinks maybe the good thing about cutting off contact with Joslyn because his daughter does not have to feel the frustrations his son is currently facing. Karina still has her mother. The pinch of regret he has been feeling since that visit with Joslyn in lockup slowly ebbs away. He thinks though soon once everything is settled his sons will know the peace that Karina is surely growing up in.

Taking his chances, he bends down giving his daughter a kiss on the head and is hit with the familiar scent of the baby shampoo that Tara used on both Abel and Thomas. Pulling back squeezing his eyes shut hoping to get his emotions, tears, at bay; he takes one last glance at his daughter when a picture catches his eye that is resting on her nightstand not even in a picture frame. Picking it up it is of Joslyn and Karina, Karina smiling real wide with Joslyn bending down behind her head on her shoulder smiling just as brightly and Jax can't help himself he takes the picture sliding in a pocket of his cut making sure it is secured.

Leaving the room and walking down the stairs he finds Joslyn now in her dining room wrapping ornaments in newspaper before placing them inside a box leaning against the frame of the arch, "She is beautiful. I was expecting princesses to adorn her wall though."

"I guess we did make a gorgeous baby," Joslyn says looking up from her packing. "As for the superheroes my Uncle would take her to the movies. She loves the Avengers; especially Black Widow my personal favorite though is Captain America."

Jax cannot but shake his head at her statement; of course, she likes Captain America. Walking into the dining room taking a seat next to where Joslyn is standing her eyes never stopping watching his movement. "She seems to be real happy I don't even really know what to say." Jax grabbing her hand interlacing their fingers together, "You are a wonderful mother. The pictures seeing how happy she is the smiles on her face, I can't believe I walked away from that."

Jax feels Joslyn give his hand a squeeze, "It's all in the past Jax. I'm not saying it wasn't hard but I know deep down you didn't walk away because you were married and did not want a kid."

Jax still with her hand in his hold rubs his thumbs across her bare fingers noticing no rings decorated her hand especially her ring finger looking up feeling Joslyn's gaze which is looking at him curiously, "She ever ask about me?" He asks letting go of her hand.

Joslyn nodding gives him a small smile, "Of course she does."

"What do you say?"

"Well she knows your name is Jackson I never told her your last name. She sometimes asks what you were like and I tell her what I know which is very little. If she asks why you are not here, I tell her that daddy wanted us to be happy, but now that she is getting older that answer isn't working. It's just hard because even though she never met you she still misses you."

Jax notices the slight tremble in her hands when she tells him the last part. "Does she ask about me a lot?"

"Now she is. It's not a big deal, honestly."

"Hey no tell me."

"It's just my uncle recently passed away and he was a permanent sort of father figure in her life. Then my fiancé and I broke up, which would technically make him my ex-fiancé, but she is worried about the men that were in her life always leaving and now with us moving she is scared you will never find us." Joslyn says with unshed tears that are escaping through her voice.

"I'm sorry. I am sorry about your uncle and about everything." That is only what Jax can honestly tell her. He knows right now how it feels to lose someone. He also knows what it is like having a child question everything going on in their life, unlike his sons at home who have their grandma, their extended family being the club Karina only has her mother, and he cannot help but feel the guilt that he willingly walked away from them.

"You're not sorry about the ex-fiancé?"

Hearing the teasing tone in Joslyn's voice a smirk crossing his features, "Hey, why should I be sorry he obviously let go an incredible woman."

Joslyn rolling her eyes, "You are such an ass."

Jax giving her a cheeky grin in return, "So what did happen?"

"Oh I think he didn't realize his commitment with me included Karina as well. Now don't get me wrong he treated Karina perfectly fine, but I always got that feeling he didn't like Karina was not biologically his and his mom made her distaste well known so he had that noise in his head. It's whatever though no biggie."

"How long were you together?"

"Three years give or take."

Jax nodding his head cannot help but have a bitter taste in his mouth at the thought of this person getting to watch his daughter grow up shaking his head the clock chiming signaling it is midnight catches his attention.

As if Joslyn can read his mind, "You have to go?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll walk you out."

Jax cannot help but think back to another similarity of the situation. Her walking him to the door but back then she would be rocking sex hair, in boy shorts and whatever shirt she was wearing before he ripped it off. She would kiss him on the cheek giving him a coy smile before he would pull her into him by her head giving her a deep slow kiss that now thinking about it could be interpreted in many different ways. Only this time it is not an abrupt phone call making him leave. It is just they are two different people now.

Joslyn following him onto the porch he starts walking down the steps before retracing his steps back up to her grabbing her softly cradling her face between his hands, "I'm sorry I really am that I willingly walked away from you and Karina. Don't say we both decided it, it is still on my end I waited six years to see how she was to ask anything about her. You have every right to slam the door in my face. I want to get to know my daughter." Jax almost wants to ask more. Tell her he wants what they had the potential of becoming back.

Joslyn looking up in his eyes her eyes looking glossy, "Jax what is going on?"

"I can't with everything that is happening in Charming I don't want any of my shit following you down here."

"Jax –"

Jax shaking his head halting whatever she had to say smoothing her hair down, "You know if we lived in a perfect world or got do overs I would go back never went back to ex-wife I would have stayed declared you my old lady. But I knew back than you were too good to be part of my world and it would have been selfish to keep you in Charming. It was always there, it is still there I just wish things were different because I want to you know but I'm not perfect. I'm flawed and I don't want to bleed all over you and Karina."

"Jax I don't want perfect."

Jax does not say anything but just gives her a kiss on the forehead.

Jax straddling his bike putting on his gear feeling Joslyn's eye watching his every move. Jax peeking up sitting on his bike looking at her before starting his engine her garden catching his eye again, "I didn't take you for a green thumb."

"I'm not. This is all the doing of my neighbor. I'm not one for getting my hands dirty it drives me crazy when dirt gets under my fingernails."

Jax laughing he is reminded why she is different from everyone else and for some reason it settles him that she is not like his mom being a green thumb he just wish he knew why. Giving Joslyn a nod of the head signaling he is leaving he watches her walk into her house and it is until than he finally leaves. Him going back to Charming and creating more cracks in his flawed way of life.

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><p><strong>Thanks for all you guys that have followed, favorited, and reviewed this short story!<strong>

**I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**There is only one chapter left though sadly. I am thinking of making a "prequel" of sort maybe I have other stories I need to finish and I want to write out though. **

**-ToriDW317**


	3. three

**But I crumble completely when you cry**

**It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye**

**I'm always just about to go and spoil a surprise**

**Take my hands off of your eyes too soon**

**-505 by Arctic Monkeys**

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><p>Joslyn cannot stop thinking about her last visit between her and Jax for the last couple of days. She remembers how fast her heart was beating when he came back on the porch basically declaring in a subliminal way he loved or her or was in love with her and would do a do-over and been a family with her and Karina. She also saw part of the man that she did not know where he told her he was flawed and she could see the trouble and pain radiating through his eyes. She knows one thing she needs to stop thinking about Jax and she should have never opened that door in visiting him when he was locked up. Besides the feelings she thought were never there seeping back into her veins she feels guilty her daughter has yet to meet the other half of her and probably never will with them moving across the country in a couple days. Luckily, Karina is at a friend's house for her last night in Eureka and Joslyn can probably extract any doubts or lingering feelings about this move and Jax without her daughter's ever-keen eyes.<p>

Joslyn is taping the last of the boxes to be put on the moving truck when an impatient knock rattles the door startling her out of her thoughts and causing her to drop her roll of tape. Gingerly walking to her main window in the living room, she notices a black motorcycle sitting in her driveway meaning it could only be one person.

Quickly opening the door despite the some sliver of elation she feels at seeing Jax, it quickly diminishes by the fact it is extremely late at night he is making another house call and she can see his eyes are rimmed with tears. "Jax is everything okay?"

Joslyn watches as Jax gives her shaky watery smile before wiping his eyes trying to erase any evidence of tears that were leaking out of his eyes. While he is doing this Joslyn takes a real good look over of Jax and notices blood splatter all over his white sneakers. His white sneakers she was always amazed that never got dirty. Joslyn releasing a gasp out of shock and fear, "Jax what happened?"

"It's not mine, I can't stay long, but I wanted to tell you I have things set in motion for you and Karina."

"Jax what are you talking about? Can you please just come in?" Joslyn reaches out to grab Jax's hand to pull him inside her house, but all it does is give him the advantage of him pulling her to him. She gives him a questioning look before he connects his lips to hers.

The lips she could never forget. How they would dance against hers. She would always be comforted by the taste of the nicotine cigarettes he would smoke throughout the day. His lips could always tell her a story she sometimes could never get especially the ending. Like now, how she can feel the pain and sadness radiating in this kiss. It is almost as if he is searching for something in her lips. His tears are the ink and his lips are the pages. He breaks the kiss when they both need to come for air, but his lips still hovers over here. "I'm sorry for leaving you to raise our daughter alone. Joslyn if I ever see myself being happy again it would be with you, but the women I love in my life seem to get hurt and I refuse to let another woman I love to get hurt because of my shit."

Joslyn finally opening her eyes them imploring in his for some answer, "Jax your scaring me."

As if he is purposely avoiding answering her inquires, "I'm glad you ended things when you did you know that. I was too immature back then and I would have ruined you."

Joslyn covering his hands with her small petite ones, "Jax what is going on? Please tell me." Joslyn eyes now mirroring Jax's watery ones.

Receiving a shake of his head, "Just promise me you will never tell Karina about who I am. Just keep it simple."

Now Joslyn is really confused and now getting borderline angry, "Jax you are really starting to scare me and piss me off with these vague answers."

"I know and I'm sorry." Jax gives her one last kiss before making his way back to his bike leaving Joslyn baffled about what just happened.

Joslyn rushing down her stairs after him grabs his arm turning him around, "Karina and I are leaving the day after tomorrow to move to Sioux Falls. I don't know what is going on with you, but maybe you should come with us. Bring your boys or if you just need to get away to clear your head please come with us."

Joslyn's heart drops though at the small smile Jax gives her, "I'll think about it babe."

"Why does it feel like you are saying goodbye Jax?" Joslyn says her voice quivering tears now freely flowing looking at Jax or the shell of him.

Jax puts down his black helmet making his way back to Joslyn, "I'm poison J, look what I am doing to you now." Jax says wiping her tears away with his thumbs.

"I am only crying because you are scaring the crap out of me with these vague sayings."

"Maybe if you never back ended me we wouldn't be here right now."

Joslyn shaking her head, "Don't say that."

"I refuse to let what happened to Tara to happen to you."

Joslyn looking down at his bloody sneakers a grim smile over taking her features, "You got your revenge didn't you."

Like he has been doing since he arrived on her doorstep, he does not answer her. Joslyn knows though, that is what he did. He killed whoever killed his wife. Her eyes going back to his she can finally see everything he wants to hide and keep hidden from her. His shame, how he is a monster, and a murder his hands that are caked in blood that she knows will never be washed off no matter how hard he scrubs. Maybe this is the first time Joslyn's eyes are finally seeing what Jax really wanted her to see. The man she thought she knew is no longer in him. He is utterly broken and no one is able to fix him. He just wants to give her a peace of mind -maybe.

"You know it would be easier if you hated me."

"It's kind of hard when I get the feeling that no one can hate you more than yourself right now."

Jax gives her a humorless laugh with a smile to match, "Yeah, maybe your right." She feels Jax hands travel to her upper arms giving them a squeeze before traveling down to her waist bringing her closer to him. "If you could tell me anything a lie or a truth what would you tell me?"

"I _don't _love you."

They both know that was a lie, but they both desperately cling to it they believe it will turn into a truth.

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><p>Joslyn is sipping on her chocolate milk before finishing packing and starting to load their moving truck. She would be lying if she said she was not exhausted, but she was and it was not physically but emotionally. Jax just left, did not make any promise of ever seeing each other again, and this caused her to get a restless sleep. Maybe Jax is right if she hated him right now everything would be easier but it isn't.<p>

It amazes her how one action causes a domino effect in her life. She barely used to think about Jax in the past only when Karina would ask who her father was and even then, Joslyn did not feel the emotions that are causing her exhaustion now. As her emotions made her check _Charming Gazette_ on the internet hoping she wouldn't see Jax's name in the headlines. Too much relief there was not, so was almost tempted to unpack the TV just to watch the news if anything did happen.

Looking at the time seeing it is noon, she has at least to four or five o'clock to get most of the boxes in the trailer before Karina is dropped off back home. Going back and forth with boxes, it is a surprisingly quiet day in the neighborhood usually you can hear the kids playing outside or her neighbor Ms. Carmine in her garden. Something is just off with this day, just like something was off with Jax last night.

Shaking her head of the infection of Jax that is cursing through her mind, she tries and thinks about her move back to her family, back to Sioux Falls. Her parents and her siblings will surround her, sure, she will finally have to face the wrath of her not bringing Karina down sooner or really telling her parents about Karina's father, but it will be nice getting out of California. She will work in the HR department of her older brother Jamie's private practice. Karina will get to meet her older cousins. She and Joslyn can start fresh.

Sliding one of the last boxes into the trailer Joslyn has worked up some perspiration and her arms along with her back muscles ache. She has forty-five minutes until her baby girl returns to their home for their last night.

Joslyn coming out of the long shower she didn't anticipate on taking that long she sees it is ten minutes pass five and no signs of Karina being home. Looking out the window, she arches her eyebrow at the murder of crows darkening the sky as they pass through. That is something she does not see every day.

Sitting on the lone couch, which is one of the few pieces of furniture that they will be leaving here at the house she checks her phone seeing it is thirty minutes past five now she is getting worried. Although she does understand that this is Karina's last night in Eureka, she probably wanted a little extra time with her friends. Like expected her thoughts drift to Jax.

Jackson Teller, the outlaw biker and the father of her daughter. It would be so much easier if she hated him. Hate him for easily walking away from her and their daughter without any fight. Hate him for revealing to her that throughout their entire fling, or when you look at it now affair, he was married. She should hate him how he never once tried to get into contact with her on their daughter. He did not send any type of assistance. However, at the end of the day, she cannot and she wishes she knew why she can't.

The sound of a quiet knock on the door interrupts her thoughts causing her to slightly jump up from the couch. Joslyn making her way to the door not even checking whom it is a male voice speaks out to her, "I hope I am not too late."

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><p><strong>I didn't intend for this too be so short, but I felt this should only be in Joslyn's point of view and how I wrote it I didn't feel the need to really drag it out. Sadly this is the last chapter to this short story I hope you guys enjoyed this thanks for all the reviews and follows on this. <strong>

**I know I mentioned in a previous author's note I was toying around with the idea of doing a prequel to this, but right now it is looking hazy as one I am still currently writing "Come As You Are" and I have another Sons of Anarchy story I am currently developing besides this I also want to start venturing into other fandoms so I don't get to burnt out on Sons of Anarchy. **

**So thank you again for all you following this story as well as my other one. I hope though in the future I will be able to write a prequel for Joslyn and Jax though it might be far in the future. **

**-Tori. **


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